mbfitzmahan. Taboo.  2015.

When I was 26, I thought I was finally all grown up.

After many years of schooling, I had just passed the bar exam. I was a REAL attorney. With a real job.

mbfitzmahan. Yes! 2017.

Yet…despite all those years of growing up, achieving up, and accomplishing up, I had a very deep case of WAIGTBWIGU (what-am-I-going-to-be-when-I-grow-up). I was rudderless, lost, and out of focus.

How disappointing! I expected that at that time of my life, I would know who I was, where I was going. I was nearly 30.  Should be a fully formed adult.

mbfitzmahan. Sisters. Paris. 2006.

My friend, Evelyn, was 85.

“Evelyn, did you ever feel like this? You know, did you ever wonder where you were going? What you should be doing with your life?”

“Oh, yes. Regularly,” she said.

“Well, how old were you when you knew?”

Evelyn got up to get us a pot of tea. She poured me a cup, and finally looked up, “I never knew. I still don’t know.”

I groaned. “What?!”

Evelyn laughed, “No, I’m afraid I can’t tell you that I ever feel all grown up. Or, that I’ve stopped asking questions. I still ask, hmmmm… what will I do next?”

She look at me, and smiled, “But then, Maureen, what is the alternative? To be bored, to be boring? The thing I have come to realize in these past 8 decades is that when I stop searching, I stop growing. I stop being happy.”


2 thoughts on “A case of WAIGTBWIGU

  1. The question of what will I be when I grow up is based on a basic presumption – I will, in fact, grow up. At 68, I still think of myself as being about 13 sometimes, 35 other times, BUT never 68. I suppose that if I never “grown up,” then I won’t have to worry about what to do then. In the meanwhile, I will just jump around and be happy like the little guy in your wonderful 2nd photo. Problem averted.

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